Felting Workshop

Today I taught a felting workshop at the Pegg Garden … it was a load of fun!

These lovely artists created felted vases … so many different colours!

I did a quick intro, then worked on a demo vase while everyone had lunch … it was like dinner theatre but with soap and water and wool. (Mine’s the one on the far right with the thistle on it.) Everyone started their creations after seeing how it was done, and we had a lot of fun seeing everyone’s felting take shape. It starts out as this weird lump of soggy wool, and ends up as a shaped vase that stands up on it’s own!

Look, this one is shaped like a pitcher.

My parents are here visiting from Ontario, and my mom came to the workshop with me today, which was really awesome. She arranged all the sample vases with flowers and greenery … the County Horticuluralist, Lorraine (on the right) cut the greens and Mom (on the left) did all the arrangements.

Look how pretty they are!

It was really fun.

When I came home, Dad and The Boy had been cutting deadwood out back – more firewood for winter, and less of a mess in the back!

Look at all that!

 

 

 

 

 

 

What a lovely day.

Nineteen

My daughter Jessica would’ve been 19 today.

Mostly, now, it is not so hard to remember. Mostly, now, it just … is.

She was little, and broken, and the angels took her to heaven not long after she arrived. We got to say hello and goodbye. She taught me a lot about how precious time is. She changed my life in many ways, and I am grateful.

I do often wonder what she would’ve been like if she’d been well and able to stay with us. I figure she would’ve probably been more of a rough-and-tumble sorta girl than a princess (because really, the likelihood of any girl of mine growing up to think herself a princess is vanishingly small). I suspect she’d have liked animals and probably been nuts about horses, like I was when I was little. Since we live out in the country now, maybe horses could’ve really happened for her, too, and not just been a dream.

And then I think of a young woman I know from our community, who is almost exactly the age Jessica would be now. This girl loves horses, and she rides beautifully … and she has a wonderful, open heart and a genuine smile. She’s got the same dark colouring as Jessica, too … and so when I wonder what my little girl would’ve been like, I think … you know, she’d probably have been like this. And that makes me happy.

Yup, it does. Seeing such brightness helps to lighten my sadder memories. With such wonder and beauty in the world, it’s easier to find hope and healing.

Dealing with the Mean Girl Inside

I had a long evening a little bit ago, talking the Princess Girl down from another of her Emotional Catastophes. Goodness, that poor child has such Big Feelings about everything! However, I understand better than I would have in the past: I live with Big Feelings all the time now, and have, lucky for her, been learning new coping skills that I can share. :)

We discussed how to talk to “the Selfish Whiny Girl inside” and the “Mean Girl who says awful things to you about yourself”. You see, it’s possible to say, “Listen here, Selfish Girl, you are whining. You do not NEEEEEED the thing you are fussing about and we are NOT going to throw a hissy fit because that would be unkind and we will just feel guilty afterwards. You need to go in the corner and stop your whining.” You can say, “Mean Girl, we do NOT talk to anyone that way - not even ourselves! You be quiet now.” And you just keep telling them to be quiet and sit down until they obey.

Most of us grownups also know the Inadquate, Not Measuring Up Girl … she shows up to tell you how useless you are, and before you know it, the Scared Girl is there shouting, “We CAN’T be less than perfect! Someone will be angry and it won’t be safe! hurry, hurry, try harder!” and then Mean Girl shows up saying “you insert-nasty-words-here … you are never good enough … insert-self-deprecation-and-beat-up-words-here…”

And before you know it you have a big ol’ nasty party in your head.

And they ALL need to be told to get to their corners and behave.

Because we sometimes need these Girls - but ONLY when we REALLY need them. We need the Selfish Girl to protect us from people who will use us up with no regard to our feelings or needs – then it’s her job to come out and say “Hey, I need to be heard, I need this and you need to pay attention to me right now!” If we truly ARE NOT trying, then it’s okay for the Inadequate Girl to say “you know, we could do better if we gave this a little more oomph.” And if we are truly in danger, we need Scared Girl to say “RUN! RUN! RUN!” and if we are being bullied, we need that Mean Girl to come out and tell other people to buzz off in no uncertain terms.

But we don’t need those voices turned in on ourselves in destructive ways.

It turns out that the simple step of asking the Girls if the situation really warrants their involvement seems to help.

“Is that something we need, or just something we want? Right, we’re just whining and being unfair to the people around us. Quiet down now, Selfish Girl.”

“Am I doing my best? Yes? Well then, Inadequate Girl, you be quiet - all anyone can do is their best.”

“Is this situation actually dangerous? No? Well, then, Scared Girl, thank you but your input is not needed right now.”

“Do we EVER speak to ANYONE in that kind of language? No. Right. So Mean Girl, you need to apologize and behave.”

It sounds silly but it really works.

I told the Princess Girl that I knew about talking to these ‘Girls Inside’ from dealing with my PTSD, and explained that mostly I have a Scared Girl I need to talk to. That when I start acting strange, it’s because the Scared Girl inside me is screaming that we need to HIDE RUN DO THE THINGS THAT MAKE US SAFE! And I have to tell that Scared Girl that the things she wants me to do don’t help, they make it worse, and we really are safe and she needs to just take a few deep breaths and stop shouting. Of course, I explained all this with the full play-acting experience of me speaking sternly to the Scared Girl and the Scared Girl cowering and squeezing her eyes shut and stomping her foot and covering her ears and saying “NO NO IT’S NOT SAFE WE HAVE TO RUN AND HIDE AND ACT ALL WEIRD THAT IS HOW WE STAY SAFE!” I startled the Princess Girl, but I could see that she could relate to having such Big Feelings about things.

I explained my Big Feelings, the ones that come with my PTSD, are like when you have a nightmare and you wake up but you are still scared even though the lights are on and you know you are safe, you are still shaking and terrified: my nightmare happened in real life, and the scared from that time still comes to me, and that’s what is happening when I act so strange: my Scared Girl is shouting that we are not safe and we need to do these weird things because then we will be okay.

“I didn’t know all that,” she said, big tears in her eyes. “Is there anything I can do to help when you get like that?”

Bless her. Such a loving heart that girl has.

I said that she was very, very kind and I appreciated it very much. I suggested that when I start acting all weird (best description for it, at her age – everyone in the household recognizes it when it starts, it looks a lot like grumpy, but mostly I think it’s recognizable at a visceral level as ‘stay clear of this person, they are volatile’) … when she sees that, she can say “Hey, it’s okay, you really ARE safe now” … and then just get out of the way, in case I’m not in a place where I can hear, but it would at least be a good try and I wouldn’t get mad if she said it. :)

She promised to do that. Such a sweet kid. And then she went to bed, calm and collected, with new coping techniques.

Her brother overheard the conversation and told me that he has a Scared Kid inside sometimes, and he thought the way I suggested talking to the Scared Kid might be really helpful.

Yay for increased return on investment for therapy: sharing what I learned with others! Win all around!

Fair Weekend 2014

We are home from the Fair!

Tired, of course, but we had fun.

I help out at the Bench Show, taking notes for one of the judges and stapling ribbons on the tags and so forth. I helped the Handcrafts judge this year, which I probably shouldn’t do as I have things in those categories, but she didn’t know which things were mine as the tags are all folded up, and I really wanted to hear what she had to say about everything!

There weren’t very many entries this year in the fibre arts categories – local spinners and knitters, join in the fun! A ribbon is nearly guaranteed, and it’s really cool to do. You even get prize money!

Here’s my collection from this year:

The Creamsicle Coat had to be entered in the ‘any hand crafted item’ category, which this year only had one other entry – a lovely wicker basket. It’s so hard to judge apples and oranges that way, but the judge did put first on the coat and she said she liked the use of buttons – there are four different buttons but they do all coordinate. The pink shawl is made with yarn my friend dyed with natural dyes, in the Prism Polygon shawl pattern. I had a few loose strands that should’ve been better woven in, but this was a last minute “oh heavens, what can I enter in this category?” entry so for it to have even gotten a ribbon was exciting for me. The ecodyed scarf took first in the natural dye category, I think mostly because it was so different (the other two were yarns, both very nicely done and the judge had a hard time choosing how to place the whole cateogry – in fact, she left it for last and came back to it, it was that difficult). She liked the subtle colours on the fabric, as do I (this is one of the amur cherry and common ninebark scarves). The merino/silk yarn was up against my friends’ Shetland, which she had done a lovely job of very fine spinning … again the judge had a hard time choosing, but she liked the poofy woolen spun and went with that in the end. The socks took second to my friend’s STUNNING handspun, hand knit shawl – but the judge did comment that the knitting was very even and that it was a good use of Corriedale fibre!

The kids didn’t have as many entries this year, but they came home with ribbons too (including a first place ribbon for the eggs that The Smaller Boy selected and entered, and a second place for the Princess Girl’s chocolate chip cookies). The Boy was busy volunteering and is, in fact, still at the fairgrounds, helping with cleanup.

The Reluctant Farmer was out today with the fire crews, demonstrating how to use a fire hose and putting up the giant sprinkler, which is a huge hit with the kids on a day as warm as today:

Some of the kids were too sandy (from digging in the pile of sand mixed with money that is dumped on the fairgrounds every year by one of the local construction companies, it’s called the Money Pit and it’s great entertainment for the kids) and asked to be hosed down:

So yep, we’re tired, we’ve had a lot of sunshine, and we are, as ever, grateful to all the people who make the Fair possible.

Ontario Days 4 & 5

I’m (finally) feeling tired so this’ll be brief.

We went to St Jacobs, where we met up with my sister and her husband, and checked out the market and the antique stores and the Home Hardware museum and a fabulous quilt/fibre arts shop and lots of other neat things.

The information centre in Leamington is shaped like a tomato. This, of course, is because the Heinz factory is in town. Leamington is all about tomatoes!

The tablecloth at this produce booth was hand woven:

 

Neat stuff at the hardware museum:

That was Thursday. We spent the night in a little B&B out in the country … which is different than the Alberta definition of ‘out in the country’ in that the roads are paved and you can do 90 km/h (if it is in an area with few Amish, who still use horses & buggies to get around). I woke up early and went outside to try and walk some sense into my body and saw this:

We all went to St Mary’s where there is a lovely river and some spots where there used to be large waterwheels, to power grinders or what have you.

Look, it’s my family at the Thames River:

Then everyone headed off in different directions – me to the fibre conference with my friend Wheelwright, my parents to visit an old friend who lives in a seniors home (Dad plays the piano for her and it makes her very happy), and my sister and her husband to head home.

Here’s Wheelwright spinning on one of his restored antiques – this one is from about 1860 he figures, and it’s amazing. Awesome to spin on.

And I am, finally, tired enough to sleep … so I shall go do that and I’ll tell you more about the conference and the wheels tomorrow.

Ontario, Day 3

Today we went to Point Pelee, the southernmost point in Canada. There’s a national park there, and lots of really interesting plants and a whole lot of birds.

This is me, standing on the southernmost point in Canada (barring an island out in the lake):

There’s a marshy area with beautiful water flowers:

… and pretty birds:

We had lunch and then Mom and I went to some of the farm shops: we stopped at the lavender farm (oh my does it smell good there!) and got strawberries and asparagus and eggs.

You can eat *very well* for very little money from the farm gates.

Tonight we’re packing up and getting ready for the next stage of the adventure, which will begin tomorrow. Tell ya more then!

Ontario, Day 2

Today we went to see the seniors residence building my parents hope to move to shortly: Dad needed to get some measurements to do some planning, and I wanted to see where they intend to live so that I’ll be able to ‘picture it in my head’ when I’m back home. So that was our first stop.

Then we went to the marina:

and to the park by the water where the tornado came through some years back – they had chainsaw artists come in and shape some of the large tree stumps that stayed behind:

Then we had a great lunch (with the leftovers saved for dinner!) and went for a walk in a ‘Carolina forest area’ where we found some really interesting plants:

Dad takes good pictures, eh?

After supper I worked on the hat I’d started on the plane, and it’s now complete. Pictures tomorrow!

I am finally feeling sleepy so I shall attempt to get some rest – the jet lag has my body completely confused … it’s not like my circadian rhythms have been perfectly settled for the last while anyway, and right now they are completely mucked up. However, I feel sleepy so … off I go!

Ontario, Day 1

Monday morning I got up waaaaay too early and The Boy drove me to the airport (with a stop for an Egg McMuffin and a coffee on the way, of course).

At the airport, I saw this lady with a great sweater and had to take a picture – it was machine knit, but I loved the way the ribbing expanded into a peplum sort of thing at the back:

Then there was a lot of this:

And some of this:

And then I arrived and my parents were right there waiting for me, and it was awesome.

We drove around and saw quite a few familiar sights and places I’d heard about and so forth … we stopped and saw my grandparents’ grave:

and the library where Mom and Dad like to go (where we saw this great book, which I had to take a picture of because I want to read it when I get home so I need to request it from my own library):

and we went to Kingsville where there is a lovely park with access to Lake Erie, and I had to go and stick my feet in the water and splash around for a bit:

The bottom was awesomely sandy and it felt great on the feet, especially after all that time on the plane.

There was a gorgeous walking trail too:

Then there was an awesome Mom Supper and I got to sleep on the air bed with a *real wool mattress cover* and the newest quilt Mom just finished (apparently I am the first one to sleep under it). It’s gorgeous, I’ll get a picture tomorrow.

Being here is like being home, even though it’s a new place and things aren’t all the same as they were the last time I saw my parents but really, wherever they are is home. It’s nice to be back home.

If I tried to put all this in my daytimer…

… I’d need an extra page.

So here's what I've done so far:

I got the motorhome cleaned, scrubbed, and smudged with incense. Put bedding on the beds. Loaded some canned goods into the cupboard. Stove, water, and water heater tested. (Need to test the furnace tomorrow!) Tried to start it, no go, probably needs a boost – The Reluctant Farmer is taking care of that. Took out some of the shop stock so that at least that much will be ready when I get home from Ontario. (More on that in a bit.)

I've also been doing a bunch of laundry in our new washing machine - the old one died a long-anticipated death on Thursday morning, and we were able to pick up a new one (well, new to us – the people had listed it on Kijiji just that day, and their place was not far off my route home from counselling, so it worked out perfectly). The new machine is WONDERFUL – it’s really big, and very quiet, and doesn’t dance across the floor or complain about being unable to drain. When I arrived to pick it up, the people were there talking with a friend who’d obviously come by on his way home from work. I recognized the company name on his truck, as it’s the same place my friend with the horses works. I asked if they might know one another and sure enough, they do. “Oh yeah,” the guy said, “he was talking to me about this McGavin’s Bread wagon he’s gonna restore …” I laughed. “He was at my house yesterday with one of the spokes for that wagon, I’m taking it with me when I go to Ontario so my wheelwright friend can make copies!" Apparently that detail had been mentioned in the conversation … it was quite a coincidence! I felt all, I dunno, famous or something.

So, laundry – which dries nice and quick outside in this sunny and somewhat breezy weather, and motorhome prep, and also getting ready for the show tomorrow. It’s Artist’s Day at the Pegg Garden, and I’ll be there selling my woven items, one hand knit scarf (in really wild muppet yarn), and my books … and weaving, and spinning, and generally just being a fibre artist where everyone can watch. I also have some fabric with me so I can do the tests of ecoprinting with the plants that grow in the garden in advance of our workshop coming later this summer (the workshop is the last weekend in August, also at the Garden). I’ll need to be there a bit early so I can wander off and get plant samples rolled up into fibery cocoons for steaming and colour setting. They have to sit for a few weeks, so I need to get them wrapped and steamed before I leave so they can sit and do their marinating thing while I’m off gallivanting around.

I did get the wheel, spindles, and all my stuff out into the van tonight – and I took my gray coat, to show as a sample of what can be done for custom work (it’s also a different shape, so I want to have both the swing coat and the blanket coat there to display) … and I grabbed some yarn so I can warp up the little loom once I’m there. I’d sort of thought I might do that ahead of time, but really, I’m out of energy and I’ll have plenty of time tomorrow as the show goes from 11-4, and warping is just another part of the whole adventure so people might as well see that too.

Oh, and yesterday I did most of my packing for my trip to Ontario – I am gone all day tomorrow, and I have to be at the airport for 6:30 Monday morning (which I clearly did not process when I chose that flight time … an 8:30 am departure seems quite reasonable, until you factor in the need to be at the airport two hours early and the fact that it takes over an hour and a half to get to the airport from home). We will be adding in time to stop for coffee on the way, trust me. I’m heading to see my parents, and then my sister and brother in law will join up with us for a day, and Friday I’ll be heading to Burlington for the Ontario Handspinning Seminar where I will be helping out my friend Wheelwright with his antique spinning wheel sales and assisting during the keynote speech he’s giving. Oh, and doing the last minute assembly of the giveaway items that he was asked to make for the Saturday night banquet! (I know what they are, but I think they are a surprise so I won’t say.) It sounds like it’s gonna be a blast.

Then once the conference is over on Sunday afternoon, I’ll hop on the train and go to Oshawa to visit some of my Chosen Family, and Monday afternoon I fly back home.

Then I do a bunch of laundry, go for groceries, load up the motorhome and head to Olds for Fibre Week!

I am gonna need all of July to recover from this, but it’s gonna be an awesome ride.

Stay tuned for more of the adventure!

Graduates

In May of 2011, my sister earned her Master’s degree in Intercultural Studies:

Today, her husband, my amazing brother in law, received his Masters degree in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages.

I just love the matching pictures. :)

Socks and Mitts

My wonderful in-laws came for a visit this past weekend, so I was able to give my MIL her socks in person.

The mismatched socks didn’t *quite* fit, but they were pretty close … I was able to modify the toe on the one that was too long, and a trip through the washer and dryer ought to snug them up enough to fit well. I traced her feet so that the next pair I make should be a better fit, too.

As soon as I finished the socks, I found myself without an active project on the needles (gasp) and immediately cast on for a pair of mittens for my father in law. He’s got size 13 feet, so he wasn’t getting socks on short notice!

I had the first one worked as far as the fingertips by the time they arrived, so I was able to measure against his hands and make sure they would fit. I discovered that he’s got huge hands as well as huge feet! With some dedicated knitting time though, I got the pair finished before they had to leave.

Growing up, my father in law lived on a farm and went to a one room country school (when he could be spared from the farm work – he missed a lot of school because he was needed at home). He rode a horse to and from class, and since he grew so tall so quickly, most of his jackets had sleeves that were a smidgen too short: they’d pull up and leave a couple of inches of wrist exposed to the elements between the end of the sleeve and the top of the mitten, especially when he reached forward to hold the reins. Mittens like this, he said, with extra long cuffs, were just what he needed back then and he sure appreciates them now!

It’s so much fun knitting for people who grin like that when you hand them the finished item. :)

I sure do love my in-laws, they are such marvellous people, so warm and welcoming. They truly are all I could’ve hoped for!

The trip

I showed you my travel knitting, but never did tell you about the trip.

We went to Saskatchewan to see The Reluctant Farmer’s parents, whom I adore. (After the last set of inlaws, really, anything would’ve been an improvement, but I really, truly, honestly love my husband’s parents and think they are fabulous people, I really couldn’t have made a better trade-up.)

Here’s The Reluctant Farmer with his stepdad, outside by the fire pot:

The fire pot – made by my father-in-law from an old washing machine drum, it is gorgeous in the dark … the firelight shines out all those tiny little holes, making really lovely golden sparkles. And yes, that’s a sock in progress.

They live right on a lake (which is filled with fish!). This is the view from the deck … honestly, any day that looks like this has to be a good one.

The lake level was down too low to get the boat out of the boathouse, so we fished from this sand bar.

I caught my first walleye:

We fished every single day we were gone, except the first one which was occupied with the long drive there.

On our way back, we swung south through the Cypress Hills. I had no idea landscapes like this still existed anywhere … there were vast areas of land with no sign of people at all except some fences and the odd Texas gate to keep the cattle in. No power lines, no houses, no barns … it was disconcerting, though beautiful. It just goes on and on and on and on:

I was actually quite relieved to get back to the landscapes I know, with trees and hills. You just shouldn’t be able to see that far!

We stopped at a really nice fishing spot by Drumheller on our way home and caught a whole bunch of big jack:

Including my first “respectafish” (respectable-sized-fish):

I’ve only been fishing for a couple of years, I had no idea I’d enjoy it as much as I do but I really do love it. Every cast is a chance to do better, a chance to have a different outcome … and bringing in a big fish takes some effort and skill, so it’s a fun way to challenge yourself. I don’t eat fish (never have been able to handle the taste) so we just catch-and-release (though we save the occasional trout for my husband), and enjoy being out in the sun doing something we enjoy together.

It was nice to spend every day with my husband, no obligations, no deadlines, no schedules. The Boy kept things well under control back home, the Small People were busy with school and staying with their Mom, and we could keep in touch with everyone by phone and text message and email and Facebook – modern technology is wonderful that way.

It took me about a week and a half to recover from being away, but it was definitely worth it. I had fun.

I have an awesome life.

My best friend came out to the farm today with her two little boys, along with Grandma and Poppa. This is my ‘family by choice’, and we all get along really well. Anyway, it’s a hot and sunny day, so the boys played in the kiddie pool, the grownups chatted and hung out, and the biggest little one (who is three) helped get eggs from the chicken coop, took food out to the kittens, and helped me check on the sheep. We had a huge supper of buns and cheese and cucumbers and peppers and things we didn’t have to cook, the boys had a bath here and changed into their PJs so they could go straight to bed when they got home, and it was, all in all, a fun afternoon.

Back home, when his mom asked the little guy what was his favourite part of the day, he said “Lonna, I just LOVE her!”

:sniffling with a big grin on my face:

My life is so freakin’ awesome.

For the Reluctant Farmer on Father’s Day

For my dear Reluctant Farmer,

Thank you for willingly choosing to be my kid’s real father. The Boy doesn’t even remember the father he had until he was six, though he knows that his Dad loved him very much, and thankfully he seems not to carry any scars from all the drama that happened with the brain cancer and all the mess that followed.

The Boy has seen you with your own kids, seen how you love them, how you care for them, how you have fun with them. You’re a good dad to all your kids. You brought The Boy siblings. They’re still Small People, but they have fun together despite the age differences.

The Boy also knows that you were willing to pay for the privilege of being his guardian, that you were willing to adopt him if he preferred, but that you gave him the choice. He knows that you accepted both of us when you chose me.

You are his real dad. You are the one who’s been here for most of his growing-up. You’re the one teaching him to drive, you’re the one who helps me deal with the inevitable episodes of testosterone-poisoning-stupidity … in fact you’re the often the only one who can get through the fog of hormones to help the kid see sense.

Even if you are teaching the kid your warped sense of humour and how to eat half a piece of cake in one giant bite, I’m grateful for all you do for us.

With love,

your Frazzlehead

I love my family

Today, I got to see my sister and her husband. They live 3 hours away, and with the very busy lives everyone leads, we don’t get to see one another anywhere near as often as we’d like.
However, today we got to meet up for lunch and hang out at Chapters and have coffee and visit and just be together. It was great.
My brother in law is <this close> to completing his Masters degree. He is a superb teacher of English as a Second Language, and after working hard to get his Bachelor’s degree (after many delays and challenges), he signed up for a distance learning Master’s program and has been writing papers and participating in Skype meetings pretty much every day for the last couple of years. We are so proud of the hard work he’s done!
In celebration, I needed to knit something for him. I dug through my stash of handspun yarn and found all the lonely and lost bits that were waiting to become … something. I plied all the random singles, then dyed everything navy so that it all looked like it went together, then I cast on for a lap blanket.

I just kept on knitting until I was out of yarn, and ended up with a blanket the perfect size for putting on your lap or over your shoulders while you read.

So, even though the Official Finish Line hasn’t quite been crossed, I was able to deliver this today. I am so happy to be able to knit for the people I love.
And I’ll get to do more of it, too – my sister’s birthday is coming up and as I didn’t have time to finish anything before we met up today, she was simply handed a couple of balls of yarn and asked to tell me what to make. After looking through a bunch of knitting books at Chapters, it became apparent that I’ll be making a long and narrow rectangular scarf out of this:

… which may constitute regifting, as quite a lot of the fibre this is spun from was a gift from my sister and her husband *last year* on my birthday!
I think it’s okay though.
I’ve tried three different patterns so far, and finally settled on a very simple, very plain lacy scarf. The yarn can speak for itself, and doesn’t seem to want a complicated design: something lofty, to take advantage of the fuzzy softness of the yarn, and nothing complicated, as the patterns would disappear anyway.
It’ll be a good project to alternate with the Mary Maxim contest entries that are my focus for the next six weeks – they have to be done and in Ontario by mid-June!