21 January 2014

It should not be this hard

Sleep. You know, what happens when you are tired. You go to bed, your body relaxes, you sleep and wake up feeling rested. 

I was doing pretty well for a while. Now, for no identifiable reason, I am awake. And tired. And thus foggy headed and unhappy. 

I eliminated all my supplements for awhile to see if they were the cause. No change. Added them back in one by one. A multivitamin, a seaweed capsule, St Johns Wort. I added sleep herbs: passionflower (which seems to help with the chest pains I get late afternoon ... Psychosomatic, not physical). At night I add the heavy duty stuff: valerian, hops, skullcap, wild lettuce. In the past, two or three valerian capsules or a few spoonfuls of hops and wild lettuce tincture was enough. Now? Nothing seems to be enough to put me under and keep me there. 

I'm trying all the good sleep habits, the earplugs, the dark room, the warm milk. I got a Jawbone activity band which tracks sleep quality as maybe with better data I can make better choices. 

This morning though, I just hurt. The chest pain is uncomfortable and I'm just so tired. It seems like such a ridiculous problem to have, and the stupidity of it all just makes me even more annoyed, which I know is counterproductive. Argh. 

I don't subjectively feel anxious. Or scared, or sad. I feel like I've really come to terms with all the old messes. Yet my body is telling me something. 

I need to find out what it is, I suppose. 

Yes, I'm getting help. We'll see what comes of it all, I suppose. 

In the meantime, I guess rest is a good thing: lie here and read, or listen to a story, or pray ... And hope for at least a few good hours of rest. 


1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry about this.

    It seems to me that there is something buried deep down inside of you that still has not been resolved, and that could be what is causing all of this. I know you have appointments set up and my prayer is that you will get to the bottom of this and finally be at peace.

    I am sending you lots of hugs and love and hope that it will be of help to get you through this.


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